OUR STORY Part 60: ADRIFT

¹⁸And we being exceedingly tossed with a tempest, the next day they lightened the ship;
 ¹⁹And the third day we cast out with our own hands the tackling of the ship.
 ²⁰And when neither sun nor stars in many days appeared, and no small tempest lay on us, all hope that we should be saved was then taken away.

Acts 27:18-20

Over the past several weeks we have not wanted to respond in unbelief or fear of our circumstances. Yet at the same time we are not wanting to sit motionless in some paralysis of denial. So we have prayerfully been putting our hands to task planting seeds and waiting for the hand of God to prosper in whatever direction He wills. So far nothing has produced any fruit and we find ourselves in the precarious scenario of lightening our ship in the midst of the storm.

The estate sale is still scheduled for next week, selling all that we have with no real direction of where we are headed. We had some things in play that have since fallen through. Circulation of resumes, phone calls etc. have hit road blocks; and efforts to find a trailer have not been successful thus far; but we continue to seek and pray.

We occasionally find ourselves questioning things. Are we moving too fast? Is this His will or are we panicking? Or are we indeed on the right track and God is just not letting us see tomorrow because this is the ultimate test of our faith in His sovereignty and provision?

We can't seem to see two steps in front of us let alone tomorrow. Even when I was graduating from high school I had some sense of direction in dreams and aspirations I was chasing after; but at the age of 53 and 60 our priorities are more responsible and that of wanting to be in God's perfect will. Thus, we find ourselves to be on this unknown journey with no compass other than that of the Holy Spirit; and we are trying to remain quiet in our emotions as much as possible to ensure that we can hear Him; purposing to be in line with His perfect plan for our lives.

Are we showing a lack of faith by lightening the ship? Or does He want us to lighten the ship so that we have no tethers that bind us from moving forward?

I was Skype messaging with a sister in Christ last evening from under the bed sheets so that I didn't wake Mike from his precious hour of sleep. Mike has not been able to get any sleep and I didn't want to be up on my computer with lights on. As it is, he and I were up and down throughout most of the night...as the pattern has been for some time now.

So anyway, I was messaging with a sister and at one point she sensed the story of Lazarus drop into her heart. Mike and I got up this morning and read the story over and took note of a couple of important truths about this story; the first being that Jesus did not rush to stop Lazarus' death. Although those who loved Lazarus were grieved in despair, He knew that what was about to occur was for "the glory of God."

³Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick.
 ⁴When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.
 ⁵Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.
 ⁶When he had heard therefore that he was sick, he abode two days still in the same place where he was.

Next, Martha knew that although Jesus could have prevented Lazarus' death, that whatever her LORD asked of God would be granted unto Him. She was not bitter or angry at Jesus but accepted that God knew best and was ultimately in control.

²¹Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.
 ²²But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee.
 ²³Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again.

And in the midst of witnessing the personal pain and grief of those who loved Lazarus, Jesus being filled with compassion also grieved and wept even though He knew what was to occur; Lazarus being brought back to life and restored unto them.

³³When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled.
 ³⁴And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.
 ³⁵Jesus wept.

John 11:1-44 (excerpts)

(Read entire section here.)

So, is Lazarus (our lives as we know them now) dying only that they shall be revived in such a manner as to give all glory and honor to God? I mean, we have always given glory to God for anything good that occurs in our lives...or so we believe. But is this the true test? Are we meant to hit roadblocks at every turn in order for all those who witness this time of transition to give praise and honor to God as they witness us unsuccessful in the strength of our own flesh to step off the cliff of nothingness; only to see the mighty hand of God appear to catch us and place us divinely in His will for our lives?

I must admit that Mike and I have often prayed the selfish prayer "Jesus come!" Desiring Him to pluck us out of this world of sin and pain so that we may be in the midst of our precious LORD Jesus. But again, we know that this is a selfish state of mind focusing on the ease of our circumstances when our focus should be on that of reaching out to others in serving the glory of our God.

“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not.

For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better:

Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you.

And having this confidence, I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith;

That your rejoicing may be more abundant in Jesus Christ for me by my coming to you again.

Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;

And in nothing terrified by your adversaries: which is to them an evident token of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that of God.

For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;

Having the same conflict which ye saw in me, and now hear to be in me.”

Philippians 1:21-30

These days grow longer and the sleepless nights are really taking their toll on our physical bodies.We are so weary and in need of refreshing and direction. Sometimes all I can pray is "God have mercy on your servants. Give us the strength to make it through today. During this tedious uphill journey let us not lose our footing and fail you."

Today we continue to pray, listen, hope and trust.



“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

OUR STORY Part 56: NIGHT WATCH ~ IT'S OFFICIALLY FORECLOSURE SALE DAY

I can't seem to sleep tonight. My gosh, this is just so very difficult, and on so many levels.

Losses, so many losses in such a short time. Horses, donkeys, our house, furniture, pictures, appliances, daily routines, a "home" and then there are those people who have become so very dear to us.

Tonight we had to run to the grocery store for our weekly shopping. It was an odd time of day, on a holiday to boot; and none of our regulars seemed to be working. It was really kind of depressing, especially since a couple of the guys have been really enjoying opening up and sharing their lives with Mike lately.

We have a little family over at Brookshire's in Lake Worth. It all began shortly after we moved here. A couple of years back the manager, Jonathan, approached us and told us that during their morning employee meeting they all discussed how we were their favorite customers. That touched us so deeply. Then just the other day one of the young guys made a point while loading our groceries in the truck to tell us that the checkers were recently discussing how we brighten up the store every time we come in, always with a happy disposition. We just looked at each other and said "wow" if they only knew.

I can remember our favorite little old box boy, Harold. He was in his seventies and lived alone with just he and his cat. He had the cutest little spiked hair do going on, and he was the most diligent worker; wouldn't let you push your own cart even though he was frail. He would load our truck and always make sure we knew where the E-G-G-S' were so that they didn't get broken. He had to spell the word out each and every time. Harold was very concerned about your eggs making it home safely, and Mike was concerned about Harold.

Mike spoke to him on several occasions making sure that Harold was firm in his relationship with Christ. Then one day we went shopping only to find out that Harold had gone home to be with His LORD. Everyone felt the loss of precious little Harold. It was after that Mike was able for the first time to engage in a conversation with the assistant manager who had always seemed somewhat shy.  The assistant manager was really heart broken about the loss of his little old buddy who had passed away and Mike was able to minister encouragement to him sharing of his talks with Harold, and reassuring the manager that Harold was in a better place. That really was a very precious moment!

The young checkers are always so sweet and love Mike ministering to them. One of our young ladies is pursuing a future in ministry through the Methodist church and we were able to give her an antique leather bound Wesley Hymnal we got on Ebay for $5.00. She was giddy!

One of the young men just discipled a fellow employee, a box boy who now openly shares his faith and wears a ring that says "Man of God." The other day he made a comment about my wedding ring and said he hoped to get married one day. I was able to share with him that a nice ring isn't the foundation of a good marriage, and told him to flee any young lady that made too much out of a piece of jewelry. We talked about how growing in faith together is the true bond that ties. I didn't share why, but did discuss that we were in fact selling my ring; and went on to share that I had a greater prize in being married to a husband who walks in sexual purity. He thought that was pretty cool!

Mike and the manager have had some great moments of heart felt discussion regarding faith and sexual purity for men. One afternoon they talked about some of the provocative cardboard beer advertisements that come in to the store; and as a result, the managers have relocated them out of the main stream of traffic putting them over where the alcohol is sold. Some actually even disappeared. =) After all, they run under the banner of being a Christian grocery store chain.

We have had such precious moments with the young checkers and courtesy clerks and haven't told them yet that we are having to leave because we know that it will be difficult for us all to say good bye. We have all grown so fond of one another.

Mike is writing a letter to the two young men he has been ministering to lately and giving them each one of our last two copies of "Every Day for Every Man" out of the Every Man's Battle series.  Seeds planted that God will certainly water through others down the road.

We had ordered a case of these dailys shortly after we arrived in Texas, and since then Mike has shared his testimony with many men; ministering over the past several years to the young Amish farrier brothers who recently ventured away from their roots; the tree trimmers from a broken family who were seeking for more of God; the exterminator who was praying for his broken relationship with his daughter and moving to be closer to her; the insurance salesman whose wife left him for another man; the business owner with five Rolex watches, two jags and a void in his life...and so on, and so on. Many seeds planted.

Well, I have to admit I am very scared right now. Afraid of the intense pain of the back to back losses hurting more than I can bare; and, of course scared of all the unknowns. The last couple of mornings when Mike and I have come together to pray he just holds me tight and begins; "Father, behold your son and daughter. Do not forsake your children, we need you now more than ever. We need a miracle!" Yesterday he surprised me a bit when he prayed a prayer that spoke volumes about how this all is really affecting him. He went on to pray "Father, we ask that when it is time, that you take us together. That we wouldn't be apart for one moment, but would enter Your Kingdom joined hand in hand." Words really can't express how deeply that touched my heart.

Well, we don't really have a clue what God's plan is for us, and as the Scriptures admonish us to "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6:34) we can only deal with today, today. Each day has been filled to the brim with the tasks of preparing for our exit from Humble Acres. We still haven't located a trailer; and yet the sun continues to rise and set as the days rapidly approach the upcoming estate sale. We don't know anything except that God's Word promises that He will not leave us or forsake us.

Well, its 1:30am and the countdown clock has stopped, it's here now and the fight is officially over. Today someone else will perhaps take deed to our little Humble Acres.

They can take everything else but they can't take title to our love.

I love you Michael, forever!!!

A WORK IN PROGRESS

I recently went through and amended some of my blogs, and want to apologize for those that seem overly cynical. I clearly am a work in progress. As God continues to mold and refine me, I in-turn find my flesh and attitudes to be loathsome; and my weaknesses through this ongoing trial uncomely.

It's been an ongoing process of watching myself die more and more each and every day, through each challenging situation. I ask your forgiveness and God's for any words or frailties that impede His call on my life and serve for the furtherance of His glory and honor.

Oh that I may one day walk in the fullness of His purity, power and purpose. I look back on some blogs and see that I have much refining still yet to be accomplished in my heart and my words.

"A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned." Matthew 12:35-37

I am certain to go back again and amend some articulation as the Holy Spirit leads. Please know that the milestone continues to grind away at our imperfections as we press on through this situation. It's very hard to explain what it feels like have your dreams, your careers, your belongings and your perceived identity on so many levels stripped away. Who are we?

How many of us that can recite this scripture actually know what it means to live it out?

"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

 I think I do now; but still others are sure to be much further along than even Mike and I are right now.

I pray His grace carries us through, and that we do not fail Him or our brethren.

OUR STORY Part 41: SUFFERINGS, NOTHING NEW FOR THE BELIEVER!

"I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine enemies. Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping. The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer." Psalm 6:6-9

As of late my husband and I have been facing the urgency in need of divine intervention by way of provision and wisdom. There have been times in which our hearts have wanted to faint; the flesh crouching at the doorway just lurking and waiting for us to find some rationale or excuse for reverting back to the old man or the world as our source in lieu of staying the course of faith and confidence in our loving and sovereign God.

The truth of the matter is that victory against our enemies may not be witnessed while we still remain in these temporal bodies. Several years ago God led me to Psalm 73 and I just sobbed, finding such fellowship in the sufferings expressed through Asaph's writings as he grieved over the presumed injustice in the prospering of evil. 

"When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me; Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end." Psalm 73:16-17

It was then that the Holy Spirit began to tear away the root of doctrinal error that had been embedded in my heart for so many years; an erroneous doctrine that completely discards a call to sufferings and New Testament truth that reveals tribulations as being designed for purposes of separating the wheat from the tares; preparing the saints for eternity.

I remember fellowshipping with a brother a few months back when he spoke; "I pray for a miracle sister, I pray a miracle of God's grace for you and your husband to be able to endure whatever His sovereign will is for your lives." No binding of the devil or claiming that the windows of heaven open wide pouring out gold coins upon our heads. He prayed the most necessary prayer of faith that we be filled with the riches of God's grace and endurance to finish this race.

Some wrong doers may receive their deserved punishment here; but for the most part many will appear to flourish in their sin, accumulating wealth and power at the very expense of the elect of God. Their just reward will not go unpunished however. When all is said and done, their sins will result in the final judgment of eternal separation from God.

We should never fret ourselves with concern over the timing or manner in which the ungodly receive their punishment, supposing that they are getting away with perpetrating evil against the saints. We have only but to put our trust in God and to obey His commands for our lives.

"Who is he that saith, and it cometh to pass, when the Lord commandeth it not? Out of the mouth of the most High proceedeth not evil and good? Wherefore doth a living man complain, a man for the punishment of his sins? Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the LORD." Lamentations 3:37-40

I personally believe that the matter of "presumed injustice" is a major part of the overall testings designed by God for the purpose of trying and purifying the heart and motives of His saints in preparation for the coming of Jesus Christ. Upon His return, those who have stood fast in their faith shall receive the fulfillment of God's promise of Eternal Salvation.

“Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.” Hebrews 10:35-37

If my husband and I were to look at our situation and circumstances right now through the eyes of our old carnal nature, our hearts would have fainted a thousand times over; feeling as though evil has prevailed, God has abandoned us, and that man and this world are our only reliable source. But fainting is not an option when you have come thus far.

“For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.” Hebrews 6:4-6

“Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul.” Hebrews 10:38-39

There's a lot of bad news circulating the globe these days, and the hearts of professing Christians are being gripped with anxiety, hopelessness and desperation. Yet I am reminded that there is nothing new under the sun, nothing! The evil present today existed upon the earth from as far back as the original sin of man in the Garden of Eden.

Aside from our country's idolatrous obsession with the recreational worship of an increasingly violent, sexually explicit and morally desensitizing entertainment industry; our high tech capabilities have become far reaching in our ability to report the salacious details of gruesome violent crime, gossip and fear mongering through television, radio, Internet and print media.

The noise is loud, often debilitating, and virtually impossible for us to avoid since it resounds through visual and audio mediums just about everywhere we go. Television screens in stores, banks, restaurants. You can't purchase a dozen eggs without having soft porn images (the hand bra pose being the latest acceptable fad) and titillating headlines assaulting you at the check out counter of your local grocery store. News feed has us all doomed to starvation, unemployment, crime, and natural disasters. It preaches fear while robbing what little hope the lukewarm believer might have. It also sends a message of salvation and hope through some iconic political figure rather than God.

"Men's hearts failing them for fear, 

and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: 

for the powers of heaven shall be shaken."

Luke 21:26

My husband and I have been walking through the fiery trials since the onset of our call to separation from the world about six years ago; beginning a journey of spiritual liberation from bondage to old habits, carnal relationships, fallacious doctrinal beliefs, lusts, and covetousness. The diluted message of modern religion teaches that Christ does this all for us and that all we need to do is pray a prayer of salvation and then coast on. Although Jesus did once and for all pay the price for our sins, we cannot embark on this journey of separation from the old man without the empowerment of the Holy Spirit and a decision to align our will with Gods. It involves our willingness to take up our cross and to follow after Christ Jesus, walking as He walked (I John 2:6) in obedience to our Heavenly Father.

"For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ,
not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;
Having the same conflict which ye saw in me, 

and now hear to be in me."
Philippians 1:29-30

When my husband and I responded to the call to separation, we were filled with excitement, encouraged at the scriptures relating to God's long-suffering and forgiveness of our past sins (Psalm 103), including the facade of a pseudo Christian lifestyle we had lived for over 25 years.

Yes, this journey appeared to be backed with all the doctrinal assurance that we were going to hold hands and skip down the cobble stone road of joy, prosperity and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Modern day prosperity prophets will tell you that the devil is the source behind all of your trials, and that we are to immediately rebuke Satan and to claim; no, to "demand" God's promises and blessings be ours. And despite the examples provided for us of the Israelites complaining in the wilderness; the new humanistic approach to Christianity now affords us a scriptural basis for excusing our sins and feeling sorry for ourselves in the midst of trials.

Nonetheless, Scripture and examples of those mighty men called of God to greatness throughout the bible show us a deeper truth of the divine refining element of trials used throughout the sanctification process in the lives of God's saints.

"Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus 

shall suffer persecution." 

II Timothy 3:12

"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 

But let patience have her perfect work, 

that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing"

James 1:2-4

The joy we are assured by God is not one based on temporal earthly treasures and pleasures, but rather that which is found in the empowering of the Holy Spirit as we walk in obedience to God; along with the joy and peace found through understanding that our ultimate reward awaits us when we abide in the Eternal presence of our loving Heavenly Father. 

John 15:1-11 (read all)

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." (excerpt)

The Scriptures tell us that the today has enough cares in itself. (Matthew 6:34) The anxious activity observed in the over communication of negative and fear based information added to this steals away the hope and faith of too many professing Christians. We are to abide in His word and meditate on it "day and night" (Psalm 1).

Remember brethren, we serve a just and faithful God who can not lie!

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all." Psalm 34:19