NOT A GOOD DAY!

OUR STORY Part 53: LESS THAN TWO WEEKS LEFT TO SAY GOODBYE

The camera was not on the right setting as I hurried over to the window, but I wanted to get a shot of the nightly routine I had discussed in an earlier blog about Duke's resident friend Raccoon.

Duke lays under the window sill every night waiting for his buddy. After the Raccoon eats some left over cat food or bread crusts he comes over and stands on his hind legs while he and Duke press noses up against the window to say hello for a bit.

His friend then takes a bath in the big water dish and goes on with his evening while Duke goes back to sleep under the window sill, sometimes only to awake up later for a return visit from the little guy.

What a sweet memory we will treasure for sometime. I hope the next owners don't pull out a 22 and shoot at any of these precious creatures.

On another note: Mike and I have been working hard to clean closets, drawers and our office; organizing what we can in preparation for the estate liquidation sale.

Mike went to bed feeling very sick last night as a result of the ongoing surmounting stresses. It resulted in his having a major headache and nausea. Amongst other things, we have  been working on the unknowns of our immediate future; gathering contact information for emergencies while on the road to our new life, wherever that may be???

We have been filling out and sending off numerous applications and resumes to multiple areas, but nothing has transpired yet. We also sent correspondence via fax and followed up with numerous phone calls to the mortgage company and their foreclosure law firm in an effort to get them to work with us on our need for a little breathing room in this transition. But our correspondence has been much to no avail. They don't care or even have consideration enough for our plight to give us the courtesy of returning Mike's voice-mails.

They like so many others bring to thought the story of the man who fell amongst thieves.

“And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

 And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

 But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,

 And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

 Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?

 And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.”

Luke 10:30-37

There is still this battle at times when we find ourselves caught in the emotional paralysis of the "deer in the headlights."  The reality that after three and a half years our case came to a screeching halt.

We were supposed to be in trial next month, October 11, 2011, against the sellers' realtors and their brokerage firm. The senator's office and our attorney had both been communicating with the foreclosure law firm and Chase Home Finance in efforts to stave off foreclosure until we had an opportunity to have our case heard before a jury. This was successful until mid July when our lives were forever changed by the decision of one local judge who literally turned our world upside down; tossing out our case along with our civil right to seek justice and financial remedy through a jury of our peers.

The recent decision still haunts us along with comments made by individuals including our own attorney; inferring that as transplants from southern California we have simply been shut down by local small town politics.

It's irrelevant at this point as we are now on the fast track to losing everything we have worked so very hard for over many, many years. I think back on those 120 hour work weeks and the lengthy business trips doing trials away from home. Then there is all of that time, effort and love that went into Mike's efforts to provide me with my first real "home" and safe haven. It's all gone now, just like that!

“As through this world I ramble
I see lots of funny men.
Some will rob you with a six-gun
And some with a fountain pen.”
-Woody Guthrie

I have these periods of peace when I am able to meditate on God's promises; but then there are those times of complete melt down when we are hard at task dealing with the reality of our circumstances; selling off all of our memories of building a life together. It just becomes so physically and emotionally overwhelming at times; and not for lack of trying to express such in this blog, but there truly is no way to articulate what it is like to go through these past four years.

Mike doesn't look well these days and I find myself still checking to make sure he's chest is moving and he is still breathing in the middle of the night. Call it dramatic, but it's the reality of our life right now.

My blood pressure has been running high and consequently my vision has been very bad, combined with episodes of seizure activity. This only adds to the numerous stress factors Mike already has on his overflow palate.

We discussed again this morning how it is ever in the forefront of both our minds that we do not want to fail God in our words or thoughts. (Hebrews 3:12) Trusting God is not an option. Oh this wretched flesh of ours. Today I shall meditate on:

Proverbs 3:5-6

King James Version (KJV)

 ⁵Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
 ⁶In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Catch me Father, lest I fall!

OUR STORY Part 50: LIQUIDATION MELT DOWN

Its enough to be up to our ears in the process of liquidating our lives, but the heat just got turned up a few notches on Sunday with a phone call from Mike's mother.

We woke up to an anxious voicemail from my mother-in-law Sunday morning. When Mike called her back he spent just over a half hour discussing her concerns over making preparations for her death. She asked that we immediately investigate the matter of what to do with her belongings in the event of her passing and to help make any pre-arrangements necessary to ensure her cremation.

She has no known malady or immediate health concerns suggesting that this time is coming; however she's an aging woman who has decided that this must be handled this week. Perhaps she saw an infomercial by a funeral home, who knows. We just bailed her out of a nightmare life insurance deal in which she was scammed for a policy she didn't need and couldn't afford. It took us just over four months to unwind the deal  and get her a full reimbursement. They continued to ding her bank account for two months after Mike cancelled the policy. (sigh)


What are you going to do? We can't explain to her our circumstances since it would only add to her worries and anxieties over something she has no control over.

After getting off the phone with his mother, Mike turned to me with this pained look of exhaustion and said "honey, I need your help."

So for the past two days I have been spending hours on the phone, emailing and Googling in an effort to gather information needed for us to relieve her anxieties; and consequently, relieve Mike's recently added concerns of how his mother's wishes will be accommodated in light of our extenuating circumstances and financial demise.

It's not looking too good right now and I haven't been able to tell Mike or his mother yet. The last email response I received regarding Social Security benefits stated that:

Social security will pay $255.00 to a surviving spouse only as a one time lump sum death benefit.

Thank You, AJ

Unfortunately, it appears that the going rate for cremation ranges anywhere from $625 to $1,600 or more. I have had to read and learn more about cremation "packages" and the process than I ever wanted to know!

Research affirmed what we suspected; that her belongings probably wouldn't sell for enough to take care of things; including that of a lower cost cremation. A very reputable estate liquidation company said it will likely "cost" us to have her unit cleaned out, and that it was not cost effective for them to be involved with handling her estate. Perhaps we should clarify what an estate is...

"An estate is the net worth of a person at any point in time." (Source: Wikipedia)

While I have been dealing with cremation plans Mike has been spending his waking hours on the phone with Chase, their foreclosure law firm, and a realtor regarding trying to coordinate our exit timeline. He's been doing this while we both intermittently find ourselves taking a break only to be tossing and packing up more stuff for our estate liquidation sale.

We still don't know where we are going or how we will live. So exhausted.

Psalm 6

 ¹O LORD, rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure.
 ²Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed.
 ³My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long?
 ⁴Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies' sake.
 ⁵For in death there is no remembrance of thee: in the grave who shall give thee thanks?
 ⁶I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.
 ⁷Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine enemies.
 ⁸Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping.
 ⁹The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer.
 ¹⁰Let all mine enemies be ashamed and sore vexed: let them return and be ashamed suddenly.

OUR STORY Part 41: SUFFERINGS, NOTHING NEW FOR THE BELIEVER!

"I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine enemies. Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping. The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer." Psalm 6:6-9

As of late my husband and I have been facing the urgency in need of divine intervention by way of provision and wisdom. There have been times in which our hearts have wanted to faint; the flesh crouching at the doorway just lurking and waiting for us to find some rationale or excuse for reverting back to the old man or the world as our source in lieu of staying the course of faith and confidence in our loving and sovereign God.

The truth of the matter is that victory against our enemies may not be witnessed while we still remain in these temporal bodies. Several years ago God led me to Psalm 73 and I just sobbed, finding such fellowship in the sufferings expressed through Asaph's writings as he grieved over the presumed injustice in the prospering of evil. 

"When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me; Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end." Psalm 73:16-17

It was then that the Holy Spirit began to tear away the root of doctrinal error that had been embedded in my heart for so many years; an erroneous doctrine that completely discards a call to sufferings and New Testament truth that reveals tribulations as being designed for purposes of separating the wheat from the tares; preparing the saints for eternity.

I remember fellowshipping with a brother a few months back when he spoke; "I pray for a miracle sister, I pray a miracle of God's grace for you and your husband to be able to endure whatever His sovereign will is for your lives." No binding of the devil or claiming that the windows of heaven open wide pouring out gold coins upon our heads. He prayed the most necessary prayer of faith that we be filled with the riches of God's grace and endurance to finish this race.

Some wrong doers may receive their deserved punishment here; but for the most part many will appear to flourish in their sin, accumulating wealth and power at the very expense of the elect of God. Their just reward will not go unpunished however. When all is said and done, their sins will result in the final judgment of eternal separation from God.

We should never fret ourselves with concern over the timing or manner in which the ungodly receive their punishment, supposing that they are getting away with perpetrating evil against the saints. We have only but to put our trust in God and to obey His commands for our lives.

"Who is he that saith, and it cometh to pass, when the Lord commandeth it not? Out of the mouth of the most High proceedeth not evil and good? Wherefore doth a living man complain, a man for the punishment of his sins? Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the LORD." Lamentations 3:37-40

I personally believe that the matter of "presumed injustice" is a major part of the overall testings designed by God for the purpose of trying and purifying the heart and motives of His saints in preparation for the coming of Jesus Christ. Upon His return, those who have stood fast in their faith shall receive the fulfillment of God's promise of Eternal Salvation.

“Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.” Hebrews 10:35-37

If my husband and I were to look at our situation and circumstances right now through the eyes of our old carnal nature, our hearts would have fainted a thousand times over; feeling as though evil has prevailed, God has abandoned us, and that man and this world are our only reliable source. But fainting is not an option when you have come thus far.

“For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.” Hebrews 6:4-6

“Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul.” Hebrews 10:38-39

There's a lot of bad news circulating the globe these days, and the hearts of professing Christians are being gripped with anxiety, hopelessness and desperation. Yet I am reminded that there is nothing new under the sun, nothing! The evil present today existed upon the earth from as far back as the original sin of man in the Garden of Eden.

Aside from our country's idolatrous obsession with the recreational worship of an increasingly violent, sexually explicit and morally desensitizing entertainment industry; our high tech capabilities have become far reaching in our ability to report the salacious details of gruesome violent crime, gossip and fear mongering through television, radio, Internet and print media.

The noise is loud, often debilitating, and virtually impossible for us to avoid since it resounds through visual and audio mediums just about everywhere we go. Television screens in stores, banks, restaurants. You can't purchase a dozen eggs without having soft porn images (the hand bra pose being the latest acceptable fad) and titillating headlines assaulting you at the check out counter of your local grocery store. News feed has us all doomed to starvation, unemployment, crime, and natural disasters. It preaches fear while robbing what little hope the lukewarm believer might have. It also sends a message of salvation and hope through some iconic political figure rather than God.

"Men's hearts failing them for fear, 

and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: 

for the powers of heaven shall be shaken."

Luke 21:26

My husband and I have been walking through the fiery trials since the onset of our call to separation from the world about six years ago; beginning a journey of spiritual liberation from bondage to old habits, carnal relationships, fallacious doctrinal beliefs, lusts, and covetousness. The diluted message of modern religion teaches that Christ does this all for us and that all we need to do is pray a prayer of salvation and then coast on. Although Jesus did once and for all pay the price for our sins, we cannot embark on this journey of separation from the old man without the empowerment of the Holy Spirit and a decision to align our will with Gods. It involves our willingness to take up our cross and to follow after Christ Jesus, walking as He walked (I John 2:6) in obedience to our Heavenly Father.

"For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ,
not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;
Having the same conflict which ye saw in me, 

and now hear to be in me."
Philippians 1:29-30

When my husband and I responded to the call to separation, we were filled with excitement, encouraged at the scriptures relating to God's long-suffering and forgiveness of our past sins (Psalm 103), including the facade of a pseudo Christian lifestyle we had lived for over 25 years.

Yes, this journey appeared to be backed with all the doctrinal assurance that we were going to hold hands and skip down the cobble stone road of joy, prosperity and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Modern day prosperity prophets will tell you that the devil is the source behind all of your trials, and that we are to immediately rebuke Satan and to claim; no, to "demand" God's promises and blessings be ours. And despite the examples provided for us of the Israelites complaining in the wilderness; the new humanistic approach to Christianity now affords us a scriptural basis for excusing our sins and feeling sorry for ourselves in the midst of trials.

Nonetheless, Scripture and examples of those mighty men called of God to greatness throughout the bible show us a deeper truth of the divine refining element of trials used throughout the sanctification process in the lives of God's saints.

"Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus 

shall suffer persecution." 

II Timothy 3:12

"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 

But let patience have her perfect work, 

that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing"

James 1:2-4

The joy we are assured by God is not one based on temporal earthly treasures and pleasures, but rather that which is found in the empowering of the Holy Spirit as we walk in obedience to God; along with the joy and peace found through understanding that our ultimate reward awaits us when we abide in the Eternal presence of our loving Heavenly Father. 

John 15:1-11 (read all)

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." (excerpt)

The Scriptures tell us that the today has enough cares in itself. (Matthew 6:34) The anxious activity observed in the over communication of negative and fear based information added to this steals away the hope and faith of too many professing Christians. We are to abide in His word and meditate on it "day and night" (Psalm 1).

Remember brethren, we serve a just and faithful God who can not lie!

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all." Psalm 34:19

OUR STORY Part 36: FOUR YEARS OF SURMOUNTING STRESSES

I haven't had the physical or the emotional wherewithal to write for a couple of weeks, but today is a very special day; and as such, it brings to the surface some emotions that we normally stuff down in order to maintain our momentum as we trudge along through the steepest and highest stretches of this extremely long and immensely rocky trial.

If you’ve ever gone on a long hike up in the Sierras or some undeveloped mountainous area, you realize the importance of pacing yourself and not resting for too long at any point before you reach the peak; lest you lose your aspiration to even finish the climb.

Mike and I have both made a commitment to oneness with God and one another; endeavoring on a journey of continuous spiritual growth in the very face of this adversity. If it weren’t for the strength, endurance and unconditional love resultant of our faith and commitment to God, I suspect that the trials we have endured over these past four years would have annihilated us, and most newly married couples for that matter. But praise be to God, we have yet to turn on one another; but instead have remained securely aligned in faith, prayer and patient love.

Having said that, we are still human and occasionally succumb to moments of difficulty; battling physical exhaustion, oppression, and disappointment. Delays continue to drag out this arduous legal battle of hearings, depositions and postponements; not to mention the looming threat of foreclosure.

On top of that, we are struggling to survive the maintenance on the property with a mower running on one belt and a very dull blade. And as if things couldn’t get any more stressful, we walked over to find a puddle of water developing along the fence line which means we have an underground broken water main pipe; and since we no longer have the home warranty coverage to help us with a plumber we can’t address this right now.

So why is today a very special day? Today is our fifth (5th) wedding anniversary; four of those years have been spent dealing with the trauma and legal circus surrounding our “dream home”; a house located in a flood zone and atop a designated drainage easement.

The fact that these individuals could betray us through the act of fraud; having us invest our life savings in this property is bad enough; but to continue to lie and perpetuate three years of malicious delays in our civil case, lacking any remorse over what they have done to our lives is unconscionable.

I haven’t had a question about our love surviving this experience; but we both have had a question as to whether we both will endure this physically.

The other day Mike shared that his chest felt concave and he was dizzy. Mike’s isn’t at all one to exaggerate; so I took it seriously when he said “I thought there for a while God was taking me home.” He hasn’t been looking good, and still doesn’t sleep through the night. Today after working outside mowing a while and weed whacking he sat on the Jacuzzi edge. I pulled up on the mower and turned it of; he looked really bad. I asked “Are you okay?” He couldn’t even get a word out of his mouth, but simply mouthed to me “I’m. . . okay.” He didn’t seem real coherent so I asked him again and he just gazed at me with this strange look. He eventually walked in the house and we called it a day.

This is one of those times that I struggle with feeling anger towards these defendants, and the ongoing evil in dragging on this charade of lies; especially with all of the indisputable documented evidence against them.

Bottom line; they have had an insurance carrier taking the burden off of them for a few years and now they apparently have someone bank rolling their defense, or they are so disgustingly rich from their successful real estate endeavors that they are unscathed by these delays.

It will be very painful if we lose our home and everything we have to a foreclosure; but if we were to lose one of us…. ?

OUR STORY Part 35: ROLLERCOASTER MONDAY

CHASE UPDATE:

This tight wire act has really been wearing us out lately. Deadlines approaching, a new defense firm stirring up more delays, and our finances dwindling away.

Well, this morning we heard some wonderful news that will give us at least a little relief. Mike contacted Chase Home Finance to clear up the issue on when they had scheduled the foreclosure sale date. As stated earlier, we initially were told on the phone, June 7th; that would be just a couple of weeks away and four days after our wedding anniversary on June 3rd.

Last week we were told on the phone that the date had been set for July 5th; but not a couple of hours after that our attorney informed us that he had received a letter in the mail advising him that the foreclosure sale date was set for the June 7th date.

When Mike spoke to the representative from Chase today, she informed him that a note had been entered into their system moving the July 5th date to a status of "postponed."  Praise Abba!

It has become a very common occurrence as of late to have some good news served up, providing us some sense of relief; only to turn around and have someone serve up some bad news to knock the wind out of us, again. Today was no different; and just a few hours after we heard of the postponement of the foreclosure sale date, another defense tactic was launched.

GUNFIGHT AT THE LAWYER CORRAL:

Today opposing counsel for the defendants (i.e. the sellers' Realtors), apparently accepted our attorney's challenge to a legal duel. The weapons of choice? Legal motions, petitions and hearings!

Friday was the day that our attorney unloaded a round with his "Paintiffs' 3rd Amended Original Petition" announcing his decision to make this matter a straight fraud case; thus removing any obligation for the insurance carrier to provide legal defense representation and/or to cover any damages awarded to us in a jury verdict.

Today, defense counsel fired a round back in a newly filed "Motion for Summary Judgment"; meaning that they are attempting to have our case thrown out. The grounds for a request for Summary Judgment, is a motion where one side states that the facts presented prove their side of the matter, and thus; a jury verdict is not necessary. I am not sure if that makes sense, but in short; it is an effort by defense counsel to have our case tossed out, robbing us of our civil right to present all of our evidence before a jury of our peers.

The court website shows a hearing date scheduled for six weeks, July 30th, 2011; at which time both sides will present their arguments before the judge, who will then rule on the motion. Yes, another delay. (sigh)

JUST WANT TO SURVIVE:

Each time we take a hit it becomes harder for me to physically recover. Today was especially one of those days. After the good news from Chase, and then seeing the notice of the Motion for Summary Judgment and the hearing date set six weeks out; my blood pressure spiked and I had to lay down.

Mike laid next to me to hold me and try to help me get somewhat stabilized. He then made me some hot tea with honey to help try to alleviate the lingering headache.

My headaches become so debilitating that my face begins to hurt and feel numb. Moreover, along with the headaches I get a tightness in my chest

Surviving a mini-stroke back in 1997, I have some real concerns that add to the fact that I just don't seem to be recovering from these episodes of stress like I was in the beginning of this mess. They seem to be triggered more easily and take more out of me with each episode. Seizure activity has been more regular as well, dropping objects and having difficulty with my balance.

Mike has already seen me turn pale and collapse, and I know he is concerned. My heart just takes off like a jet engine and I can't get it to slow, I end up gasping for a breath and end up coughing a lot as my heart fills like it's doing flip flops in my chest.

The other day Mike told me "I need you in my life"; I just cry.

We pray and ask God, one way or another, to get us both on the other side of this trial; untethered from this nightmare so that we can love one another and focus all of our extra energy on serving Him.

We both pray that we will be able to grow old together, or for Abba to just take us together now. All we know is that we want to be together; and to be in His presence whether it be here or in heaven.

We love each other so very, very much.