OUR STORY Part 62: A DAY OF NUMB ANTICIPATION

Today seemed an unusually long and physically exhausting day; and one best described as a one of emotional numbness. The estate sale is approaching quickly and it is a surreal experience to say the least; in a couple of days our life as we have known it will cease to exist. The dogs are anxious as they can sense something major is going on in our home. Items being moved and boxes piling up. Dixie has needed a lot of extra TLC over the past few days.

This has been a particularly hard time for Mike since his priority, aside from that of serving his LORD has been to make every effort to provide me my first real home; that of peacefulness and safety. I observed him throughout the day and suddenly began to notice him frequently just stop what he was doing and gaze around; sometimes focusing on a piece of furniture, a clock hanging on the wall or a special picture that we purchased together. At one point he shared how special it was building a home together. But for the most part there was no conversation, just silent pause and reflection.

We finished clearing out the garage and setting aside things for the estate sale. Mike sat on the living room floor for a period of time going through his tools and garage knick knacks (screws, wires, drill bits etc.); trying to organize and segregate out what to take with us. And while he worked on his projects I spent the day dusting, vacuuming, washing sheets to be sold and setting things on shelves for the crew to begin pricing.

We have cleared out a closet; putting everything we are taking with us aside, which isn't much.We will be traveling very light, just some tools, our clothes and a few personal items (Bibles, hair dryer, toothbrushes, books, etc.). Everything else is being sold in order to generate enough money to live on until something breaks.

We still haven't worked out the details of what we are going to do with our lives; but not for lack of tenacity in searching out avenues of opportunity and much prayer.

Yesterday was a very awkward day. We found a 1994 travel trailer that we believe will meet our needs and have had some communication back and forth with the couple who own the trailer. Last evening I sat and listened as Mike spoke on the phone with the husband, brother in the LORD. Mike shared a little about our situation and went on to beseech the man for help, asking that he consider reducing the sale price of the trailer to number $500 below what it has been listed for on Craigslist. The gentleman said he would think about it and get back to us; but we haven't heard back as yet.

What the gentleman doesn't know is that; aside from the fact that we are clearly in a crisis financial situation, Mike is asking to purchase the trailer for the exact amount we received through the sale of my wedding ring.

A few nights after the ring was sold Mike had made a comment; "It sure would be easier dealing with you losing your ring if I could tell you that your ring at least provided us our home." I know he has really struggled with the fact the ring is gone. He never once asked or eluded to wanting to sell the ring; he just wouldn't ever do that. Michael Daniel is a very loving husband and a very hard working and selfless individual who cares dearly for me. My husband doesn't deserve what is happening to him, especially just weeks before his 60th birthday.

There is this little piece of hope we hang onto; perhaps some miracle where we will wake up from this nightmare to find the judge filing a Final Judgment overturning his earlier order. Mike just hugs me each day and says "Honey, I don't know how but God will restore our lives."

I love you Michael, you're my hero!

OUR STORY Part 60: ADRIFT

¹⁸And we being exceedingly tossed with a tempest, the next day they lightened the ship;
 ¹⁹And the third day we cast out with our own hands the tackling of the ship.
 ²⁰And when neither sun nor stars in many days appeared, and no small tempest lay on us, all hope that we should be saved was then taken away.

Acts 27:18-20

Over the past several weeks we have not wanted to respond in unbelief or fear of our circumstances. Yet at the same time we are not wanting to sit motionless in some paralysis of denial. So we have prayerfully been putting our hands to task planting seeds and waiting for the hand of God to prosper in whatever direction He wills. So far nothing has produced any fruit and we find ourselves in the precarious scenario of lightening our ship in the midst of the storm.

The estate sale is still scheduled for next week, selling all that we have with no real direction of where we are headed. We had some things in play that have since fallen through. Circulation of resumes, phone calls etc. have hit road blocks; and efforts to find a trailer have not been successful thus far; but we continue to seek and pray.

We occasionally find ourselves questioning things. Are we moving too fast? Is this His will or are we panicking? Or are we indeed on the right track and God is just not letting us see tomorrow because this is the ultimate test of our faith in His sovereignty and provision?

We can't seem to see two steps in front of us let alone tomorrow. Even when I was graduating from high school I had some sense of direction in dreams and aspirations I was chasing after; but at the age of 53 and 60 our priorities are more responsible and that of wanting to be in God's perfect will. Thus, we find ourselves to be on this unknown journey with no compass other than that of the Holy Spirit; and we are trying to remain quiet in our emotions as much as possible to ensure that we can hear Him; purposing to be in line with His perfect plan for our lives.

Are we showing a lack of faith by lightening the ship? Or does He want us to lighten the ship so that we have no tethers that bind us from moving forward?

I was Skype messaging with a sister in Christ last evening from under the bed sheets so that I didn't wake Mike from his precious hour of sleep. Mike has not been able to get any sleep and I didn't want to be up on my computer with lights on. As it is, he and I were up and down throughout most of the night...as the pattern has been for some time now.

So anyway, I was messaging with a sister and at one point she sensed the story of Lazarus drop into her heart. Mike and I got up this morning and read the story over and took note of a couple of important truths about this story; the first being that Jesus did not rush to stop Lazarus' death. Although those who loved Lazarus were grieved in despair, He knew that what was about to occur was for "the glory of God."

³Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick.
 ⁴When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.
 ⁵Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.
 ⁶When he had heard therefore that he was sick, he abode two days still in the same place where he was.

Next, Martha knew that although Jesus could have prevented Lazarus' death, that whatever her LORD asked of God would be granted unto Him. She was not bitter or angry at Jesus but accepted that God knew best and was ultimately in control.

²¹Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.
 ²²But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee.
 ²³Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again.

And in the midst of witnessing the personal pain and grief of those who loved Lazarus, Jesus being filled with compassion also grieved and wept even though He knew what was to occur; Lazarus being brought back to life and restored unto them.

³³When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled.
 ³⁴And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.
 ³⁵Jesus wept.

John 11:1-44 (excerpts)

(Read entire section here.)

So, is Lazarus (our lives as we know them now) dying only that they shall be revived in such a manner as to give all glory and honor to God? I mean, we have always given glory to God for anything good that occurs in our lives...or so we believe. But is this the true test? Are we meant to hit roadblocks at every turn in order for all those who witness this time of transition to give praise and honor to God as they witness us unsuccessful in the strength of our own flesh to step off the cliff of nothingness; only to see the mighty hand of God appear to catch us and place us divinely in His will for our lives?

I must admit that Mike and I have often prayed the selfish prayer "Jesus come!" Desiring Him to pluck us out of this world of sin and pain so that we may be in the midst of our precious LORD Jesus. But again, we know that this is a selfish state of mind focusing on the ease of our circumstances when our focus should be on that of reaching out to others in serving the glory of our God.

“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not.

For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better:

Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you.

And having this confidence, I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith;

That your rejoicing may be more abundant in Jesus Christ for me by my coming to you again.

Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;

And in nothing terrified by your adversaries: which is to them an evident token of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that of God.

For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;

Having the same conflict which ye saw in me, and now hear to be in me.”

Philippians 1:21-30

These days grow longer and the sleepless nights are really taking their toll on our physical bodies.We are so weary and in need of refreshing and direction. Sometimes all I can pray is "God have mercy on your servants. Give us the strength to make it through today. During this tedious uphill journey let us not lose our footing and fail you."

Today we continue to pray, listen, hope and trust.



“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

OUR STORY Part 58: WHERE IS THE FINAL JUDGMENT?

I really do feel like "road kill" on the highway of injustice tonight. For several years now we have been run down, backed over and run over again...repeatedly. And pretty soon we will be run out of town by what appears to be nothing more than local politics perpetuating the injustice of known fraud.

Perhaps it is nothing more than a steady stream of "convenient coincidences" and "bad breaks" that we should just brush them off as being nothing more than "perchance."

Tonight I find myself sitting here once again perplexed over the ongoing coincidences.We have been awaiting the posting of the judge's final judgment in order to determine when our timeline begins to file an appeal. So, I went on the county website to check the status only to find that it has yet to be filed. It is just a few days shy of two months since the judge ruled on the MSJ throwing our case out. So what's the delay?

I had an unpleasant thought cross my mind this evening. You see, we can't file an appeal until the final judgment is singed; and if the house forecloses before that happens we've already been told that the case is as much as dead in the water. Kaput! Inte nu längre genomförbar!

Lose possession of the house and the recovery of damages is pretty much a mute issue. Thus, everyone involved washes their hands of any further concern and goes home to their comfy little houses, careers and lives. Everyone that is, except us.  We will drive off into the horizon with some clothes, kitchen stuff and our dogs; while leaving behind our life savings, every stick of furniture and a place we called home. We will also most likely leave behind the fading whispers of tittle tattle amongst neighbors.

What are the chances of anyone with a case as strong as ours (and a guilty jury verdict under our belt) incurring as many back to back bad breaks as we have? And what's with these professionals who keep coming into our lives befriending us, under the guise of wanting to help us right a terrible wrong; and collecting documents and information from us only to fall off the face of the earth, never be seen or heard from again. It's been like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone.

Perhaps this is all simply over-reaching on our part, but we don't think so. And we're still glad to have backed up our blogger and tucked a few copies of it away with entrusted individuals just in case we happen to run into yet another inconvenient coincidence or, God forbid; some catastrophic happenstance.

It gets really tiresome taking the repeated hits like some unfortunate Armadillo strewn out in the middle of Jacksboro Hwy.

This is one of those days where I feel as though I'm  failing God. We prayed and were blessed with a little more time to prepare our exit plan; and for this I am truly thankful. Yet it comes with a painful twist; for at the same time there is this conflict warring within me as I sit here with a bleeding heart knowing that there is now an extended window of opportunity. The little girl inside me still hopes for a miracle to drop from the sky and save the day.

I'm not coping very well tonight, please forgive me Father.

Romans 7:21-8:5  (KJV)

“I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.

For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:  

But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.

O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:

That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.”

OUR STORY Part 41: SUFFERINGS, NOTHING NEW FOR THE BELIEVER!

"I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine enemies. Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping. The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer." Psalm 6:6-9

As of late my husband and I have been facing the urgency in need of divine intervention by way of provision and wisdom. There have been times in which our hearts have wanted to faint; the flesh crouching at the doorway just lurking and waiting for us to find some rationale or excuse for reverting back to the old man or the world as our source in lieu of staying the course of faith and confidence in our loving and sovereign God.

The truth of the matter is that victory against our enemies may not be witnessed while we still remain in these temporal bodies. Several years ago God led me to Psalm 73 and I just sobbed, finding such fellowship in the sufferings expressed through Asaph's writings as he grieved over the presumed injustice in the prospering of evil. 

"When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me; Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end." Psalm 73:16-17

It was then that the Holy Spirit began to tear away the root of doctrinal error that had been embedded in my heart for so many years; an erroneous doctrine that completely discards a call to sufferings and New Testament truth that reveals tribulations as being designed for purposes of separating the wheat from the tares; preparing the saints for eternity.

I remember fellowshipping with a brother a few months back when he spoke; "I pray for a miracle sister, I pray a miracle of God's grace for you and your husband to be able to endure whatever His sovereign will is for your lives." No binding of the devil or claiming that the windows of heaven open wide pouring out gold coins upon our heads. He prayed the most necessary prayer of faith that we be filled with the riches of God's grace and endurance to finish this race.

Some wrong doers may receive their deserved punishment here; but for the most part many will appear to flourish in their sin, accumulating wealth and power at the very expense of the elect of God. Their just reward will not go unpunished however. When all is said and done, their sins will result in the final judgment of eternal separation from God.

We should never fret ourselves with concern over the timing or manner in which the ungodly receive their punishment, supposing that they are getting away with perpetrating evil against the saints. We have only but to put our trust in God and to obey His commands for our lives.

"Who is he that saith, and it cometh to pass, when the Lord commandeth it not? Out of the mouth of the most High proceedeth not evil and good? Wherefore doth a living man complain, a man for the punishment of his sins? Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to the LORD." Lamentations 3:37-40

I personally believe that the matter of "presumed injustice" is a major part of the overall testings designed by God for the purpose of trying and purifying the heart and motives of His saints in preparation for the coming of Jesus Christ. Upon His return, those who have stood fast in their faith shall receive the fulfillment of God's promise of Eternal Salvation.

“Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.” Hebrews 10:35-37

If my husband and I were to look at our situation and circumstances right now through the eyes of our old carnal nature, our hearts would have fainted a thousand times over; feeling as though evil has prevailed, God has abandoned us, and that man and this world are our only reliable source. But fainting is not an option when you have come thus far.

“For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.” Hebrews 6:4-6

“Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul.” Hebrews 10:38-39

There's a lot of bad news circulating the globe these days, and the hearts of professing Christians are being gripped with anxiety, hopelessness and desperation. Yet I am reminded that there is nothing new under the sun, nothing! The evil present today existed upon the earth from as far back as the original sin of man in the Garden of Eden.

Aside from our country's idolatrous obsession with the recreational worship of an increasingly violent, sexually explicit and morally desensitizing entertainment industry; our high tech capabilities have become far reaching in our ability to report the salacious details of gruesome violent crime, gossip and fear mongering through television, radio, Internet and print media.

The noise is loud, often debilitating, and virtually impossible for us to avoid since it resounds through visual and audio mediums just about everywhere we go. Television screens in stores, banks, restaurants. You can't purchase a dozen eggs without having soft porn images (the hand bra pose being the latest acceptable fad) and titillating headlines assaulting you at the check out counter of your local grocery store. News feed has us all doomed to starvation, unemployment, crime, and natural disasters. It preaches fear while robbing what little hope the lukewarm believer might have. It also sends a message of salvation and hope through some iconic political figure rather than God.

"Men's hearts failing them for fear, 

and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: 

for the powers of heaven shall be shaken."

Luke 21:26

My husband and I have been walking through the fiery trials since the onset of our call to separation from the world about six years ago; beginning a journey of spiritual liberation from bondage to old habits, carnal relationships, fallacious doctrinal beliefs, lusts, and covetousness. The diluted message of modern religion teaches that Christ does this all for us and that all we need to do is pray a prayer of salvation and then coast on. Although Jesus did once and for all pay the price for our sins, we cannot embark on this journey of separation from the old man without the empowerment of the Holy Spirit and a decision to align our will with Gods. It involves our willingness to take up our cross and to follow after Christ Jesus, walking as He walked (I John 2:6) in obedience to our Heavenly Father.

"For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ,
not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;
Having the same conflict which ye saw in me, 

and now hear to be in me."
Philippians 1:29-30

When my husband and I responded to the call to separation, we were filled with excitement, encouraged at the scriptures relating to God's long-suffering and forgiveness of our past sins (Psalm 103), including the facade of a pseudo Christian lifestyle we had lived for over 25 years.

Yes, this journey appeared to be backed with all the doctrinal assurance that we were going to hold hands and skip down the cobble stone road of joy, prosperity and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Modern day prosperity prophets will tell you that the devil is the source behind all of your trials, and that we are to immediately rebuke Satan and to claim; no, to "demand" God's promises and blessings be ours. And despite the examples provided for us of the Israelites complaining in the wilderness; the new humanistic approach to Christianity now affords us a scriptural basis for excusing our sins and feeling sorry for ourselves in the midst of trials.

Nonetheless, Scripture and examples of those mighty men called of God to greatness throughout the bible show us a deeper truth of the divine refining element of trials used throughout the sanctification process in the lives of God's saints.

"Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus 

shall suffer persecution." 

II Timothy 3:12

"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 

But let patience have her perfect work, 

that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing"

James 1:2-4

The joy we are assured by God is not one based on temporal earthly treasures and pleasures, but rather that which is found in the empowering of the Holy Spirit as we walk in obedience to God; along with the joy and peace found through understanding that our ultimate reward awaits us when we abide in the Eternal presence of our loving Heavenly Father. 

John 15:1-11 (read all)

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." (excerpt)

The Scriptures tell us that the today has enough cares in itself. (Matthew 6:34) The anxious activity observed in the over communication of negative and fear based information added to this steals away the hope and faith of too many professing Christians. We are to abide in His word and meditate on it "day and night" (Psalm 1).

Remember brethren, we serve a just and faithful God who can not lie!

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all." Psalm 34:19

OUR STORY Part 40: AN ENCOURAGING NOTE FROM A DEAR BROTHER

A dear brother in Christ sent us a note of compassion and encouragement along with this blog post. It touched our hearts deeply and we wanted to memorialize this since encouragements have been few and far between.

I Don’t Know What to Do

It’s easy to sympathize with King Jehoshaphat. His country was in dire peril and there seemed to be no way to escape. A huge alliance of Judah’s enemies was arrayed against him, and were aiming their forces toward Jerusalem.

The text tells us, “Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah.” (II Chronicles 20:3 NIV)

He then prays a heartfelt prayer to the God of Israel and ends it with these words: “We have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” (verse 12)

Many times when facing unbearable challenges that we lack the wherewithal to solve, we agonize and anguish over realities as we see them, and the only thing to do is cry out, “I don’t know what to do, but my eyes are on you.”

The good king models a great lesson here: When in dire need, don’t try to tell God how to do his job. Make the need known, admit your inability to deal with it, and then leave it in his capable hands.

The text shows that God in fact worked things out in his own way and time, and in a way that Jehoshaphat likely could not have anticipated. Don’t know what to do? Take your cue from King Jehoshaphat, then walk forward in faith with a song on your lips. 

NEWS LINKS ON FORECLOSURES: THE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL IMPACT

USA TODAY: "FORECLOSURES & DEPRESSION"

LIVING LIES: DEATH BY SUICIDE RELATED TO FORECLOSURES RECORDED AS "DEATH BY NATURAL DEATH"

FORECLOSURES AND PHYSICAL/MENTAL REPERCUSSIONS

FORECLOSURES CAUSING HOMEOWNERS TO COMMIT SUICIDE

HOUSTON COUPLE AVOIDS FORECLOSURE WITH SUICIDE PACT

FORECLOSURE NOTICE LEADS TO SUICIDE OF 'NICE LADY'

DEATH BY FORECLOSURE

FORECLOSURE RELATED SUICIDES ON THE RISE

DISTRESSED BORROWER COMMITS SUICIDE OVER FORECLOSURE

DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND DISCUSSION "FORECLOSURE & SUICIDE"