This morning the donkeys were picked up by the North Texas Human Society and a gentleman, Hugh McElroy. Now all that remains is a huge hole in our hearts, and we can't seem to stop the bleeding.
Before we began loading the little ones into the trailer, the woman from the Humane Society said, "I sure hope you can hang on to those dogs, they aren't as easy to place as the minis." I looked over at Dixie and Duke and fought back the tears. She went on to say "Surely God can't take everything away from you, right?" I couldn't even catch my breath to muster up a response.
I began to have this panic attack and all I could see was everything in front of me that was left to be taken from us. The house, the birds and insects. Over 8,000 photographs and macros of memories communing with God through His creatures. It was the one thing that got me through the events over the past three years.
This afternoon Mike went out to shut the barn door, I just couldn't handle going out there with him. It took him a while before he returned to the house. When he came back he said "That was really hard." (Tears welling up in his eyes.) "There's no life out there any more honey, everyone is gone now."
My heart is crying out right now... "God, what more do you want from me?" It seems that everything good in my life has always been violently ripped away from me. I take a few steps and then I have these panic attacks and I can't breath.
What next?
=*(*****
