Our Story: OUR STORY Part 61: THE WRESTLING AND THE BONDS THAT TIE

Throughout this blog we have purposed in our hearts to relate the events of "Our Story" as accurately as possible. And with the same conviction and level of diligence we have made every effort to truthfully relate our responses to these events; noting our personal challenges as we walk through the fire, our faith in God literally being tested on a daily basis.

Having said that; it goes without saying that I personally find myself feeling quite the hypocrite over these past two weeks with the vacillating of my emotions. As the milestone continues to drop we are faced with the increased intensity of time constraints and unknowns bearing down on us; forced to make decisions in a manner that is quite out of character.

I understand that the Word of God is true and that it never changes; but I still find that I have a much easier time standing in faith of God's provision being there for others than I do for myself. This issue becomes more convoluted when I feel that I am somehow failing God by reacting anxiously to the stress rather than resting in His promises. The 90% on and 10% off is still evidence of some measure of unbelief! (sigh) But thanks to a loving and merciful God, I am growing.

It truly has been a kind of Jacob at the well experience for me; and I expect that the breaking is still in progress.

²⁴And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.
²⁵And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.
²⁶And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.
²⁷And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.
²⁸And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.
²⁹And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there.
³⁰And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved. (Genesis 32:24-30)

We have had this very pressing issue of how we are going to transition out of here, and so far not much has panned out as we hoped. We've hit road blocks, hurdles, and the inconvenience of those ground traffic spikes that prevent you from backing up!

Deep down inside my spirit man knows that God is sovereign and there's a sense of peace. He is in complete control of our lives and the lives of those who are a part of this process. But this flesh wants to grab hold of the steering wheel!!! My emotions want to react to everything lately like a fresh bruise, hypersensitive to the touch. And we both have been on this teeter totter kind of ride.

Mike said it best the other day; "God's grace is with us Netty, in that when I'm down you're up and when you're down I'm up." And that is exactly how the cycle has been for the past couple of months; more pronounced over the past two weeks.

I'll tell you what; if we had not been pressing into our relationship with God making sure our priorities are in order, we would never have survived this mess. It is clear to many that the escalating economic woes are taking out marriages like the cascading of falling Dominoes.

Daniels, of Florida List for Less Realty, said financial woes caused by variable mortgage rates "are really straining to a relationship. When times are good, people are happy. They love and laugh in unison. When the world is bad, they get ugly with each other. Human nature is funny that way." (MSN Online Article ~ Is Mortgage Crisis Causing Divorces?)

If Mike and I were not engaged in a fully committed relationship to God and one another; united in submission to God's Word and commandment to "love, patience, long-suffering and the bearing of one another's burdens" (I Corinthians 13) we would no be able to survive this nightmare in our own strength. On the contrary we would most likely be another statistical tragedy in these times of materialism, self-centeredness, and economic instability.

"Carry each other's burdens,

and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Galatians 6:2

We humans always want to be busied and in control of our lives in pursuit of our national ethos"The American Dream." We have investments, insurance policies, retirement plans, busied schedules and these darn electronic gadgets clipped to our hips, dashboards and plugged into our heads in order to make sure we don't skip a beat as to what's going in the world or the lives of others; while at the same time absolutely clueless as to what is going on within the heart of the person we sleep with each night.

I praise God that Michael and I veered away from so many of those busied distractions that often serve to facilitate a breakdown in marriages. Usually by the time the damage is done it's too late and when a crisis such as our situation hits, it's more appealing to jump ship than it is to patiently love one another through the storm.

But for the grace of God neither of us has nudged the other to take a walk off the plank! =) Mike's taken the role of spiritual covering and headship very seriously, employing patience and long-suffering towards me. This commitment on Mike's part has, in turn, motivated me towards the same response. He has prayerfully set the tone for each and every conversation we have had to endure in an effort to ensure that instead of fighting each other we are united in love and focus fighting our circumstances together; doing so as best we know in line with God's will.

Mike and I are fully aware that there is a shark circling beneath this ship just hoping for one or both of us to fall into the waters of blame, bitterness, hopelessness and/or utter despair. With God before us...sharky is in for a good fight!

"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." (John 10:10)